I Miss You...

For the past few days, I've been feeling really down...It has been almost 9 months since my dad passed away, and it's still really hard for me to accept that he's gone.
Sometimes I lie in bed, hoping that all of this is just a really bad nightmare and I'm going to wake up from it soon, but then I realize that it's real, and I breakdown all over again...

I don't know if things will ever get better...Will I ever stop crying myself to sleep? Will I ever be able to look at a picture of him again without crying? Will I ever think about him without crying? Will I get through writing this post right now without crying? I can't even see the letters on my keyboard or the screen through my tears...

I miss him so much!

I miss him telling me to be careful when I'm driving in rainy weather....I miss sitting with him and talking about everything....I miss hearing him tell me about his days in college....I miss him giving me work related advice....I miss him telling me to follow my dreams...I miss just seeing him sitting on the couch watching TV...I miss hearing his voice...I miss seeing his smile...I miss the jokes he used to tell me...I miss everything about him...

And whenever I think that I'll never see him again....it's just really hard...

I wish he were here so he could see the award I won at work for my idea...I wish he were here to give me career advice when I need it...I wish he were here so that I could tell him I love him and miss him.....I just wish he were here...

Sometimes I wish it was me who died instead...why did he have to get sick? My dad was the healthiest person I knew...life is so unfair...why do bad things happen to good people?...life sucks!

I don't know if I'll ever be okay again...I don't know if I'll ever stop being so depressed...I don't know if I'll ever stop crying myself to sleep every night....

Whenever I think I'm okay, I discover that I'm not and I don't know what to do.......

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